gaabee
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Joined: 07 Jan 2007
Posts: 247
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 Trying too hard to qualify - massively important |
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Subject: Trying too hard to qualify - massively important
Taught a few hundred guys by now just from meeting guys through PAIR and in
workshops recently, and this is the shit that ups their game instantly with no
tactics or anything. I see this shit ALL THE TIME. It's the BIGGEST and most
COMMON problem I see after everyone I've met. This is some of the main shit I
focus on fixing when I'm in the field.
Almost EVERYONE I met so far screws up this shit, and it totally fucks up their
sarges.
If you do this, don't feel bad. 99% of guys I meet do it to various extents
(myself included).
This is the extension of the "10 alpha qualities" post, which was when I was
first figuring out what this shit meant. Back then, I was just posting
observations. This post contains conclusions, having now thought about it.
ERADICATE this shit, and your game will go up B-I-G-T-I-M-E, more than ANY
tactics will help you. This is part of what's called being a "natural". Even
with nothing else, if you know this stuff you'll do well socially, and probably
get laid. This stuff is the KEY.
This stuff is only for people who play the REAL game, not the INTERNET ARMCHAIR
GAME. So guys who don't actually PLAY can skip this, because there's not much
theory in it - its directly applicable.
------
25 POINT CHECKLIST:
1) FIDGETY MOVEMENTS AND TIGHT SHOULDERS AND TAKING YOURSELF TOO SERIOUSLY OR
BEING TOO BUSINESSLIKE OR "SOPHISTICATED" (not laughing or being relaxed) =
very visible subconsious (or conscious) self-doubt, overcompensating through
non-relaxed state, where you're prepared to deal with anything that could
happen. Ever met someone who doesn't blink when you talk to them?
2) TALKING TOO FAST = worried that people will stop listening to you unless you
get out something that will interest them before they leave
3) LAUGHING AT YOUR OWN JOKES = covering up that you aren't affected that
others didn't laugh, and social nervousness
4) SAYING "RIGHT" OR "YOU KNOW" AFTER STATEMENTS = seeking validation that what
you said was true, or saying it because others aren't
5) STANDING WITH LEGS NOT HALF A METER APART AT LEAST = worried that you'll
infringe on other people's personal space
6) TALKING TOO SOFTLY OR LOUD = fear that you'll impose yourself on people and
their personal space(ie: beta).. alpha males aren't afraid to project their
voice.. YET, talking obviously too LOUD can also be seen as OVERCOMPENSATING.
Just like guys who wear GENERIC clothes are trying to fit in, or guys who wear
OUTRAGEOUS clothes are trying too hard to overcompensate. (hint: be careful
with peacocking, find a style that doesn't come off this way, which can be
tricky but is still very doable).. Some guys don't talk, some talk too much,
etc etc.. Find appropriate balance through trial and error, which is determined
through social observation,
7) MOVING YOUR HANDS AROUND WHILE YOU TALK = trying to keep the attention of
the group (sometimes can be cool, but most often a form of qualifying yourself)
 LEANING IN *or* 'PECKING' = too eager to talk.. NEVER lean in no matter how
loud the environment is MAKE HER LEAN IN or just leave but NEVER lean in or
"peck" as its also called.
9) FACING BODY/FEET TOWARDS HER BEFORE SHE EARNED IT = trying to gain rapport
with her too eagerly.
10) CHASING WHEN SHE WALKS AWAY = hoping she'll listen. If a chick moves away
from you, move your bodylanguage MORE away from her, so she'll be drawn back..
don't CHASE her... WTF?!@?!?
11) NOT WITHDRAWING (backturns, etc) WHEN SHE DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU WOULDN'T
TOLERATE FROM AN UGLY GIRL OR A GUY = trying too hard to pick her up
12) ANSWERING QUESTIONS TOO QUICKLY/EARLY = too much interest in the
conversation
13) TURNING YOUR HEAD (OR "SNAPPING") WHEN YOU'RE ADDRESSED = too eager to be
in convo.. so if your head is facing the other direction, and a girl says
something to you, turn it SLOWLY to her, don't snap it out of eagerness to hear
her
14) GOING BACK TO A PRIOR THREAD THAT WAS INTERUPTED AT THE FIRST
CHANCE/BREAK-IN-CONVO THAT YOU GET = trying too hard to impress them.. (ie:
when a thread gets broken off in the convo, and you go back to it FIRST chance
you get when the other topic ends, you look like you were WAITING to get back
to it.. WHY are you so eager to get back on it, unless you don't feel
comfortable around the person and you need to qualify yourself to them?) WAIT
until THEY say "what was that you were saying before?", and THEN go back to
it.. if it doesn't happen, *DROP IT* even if it was good.
15) NOT APPEARING MORE INTO YOUR WINGMAN THEN THE CHICK = trying too hard to
pick her up.. you've known your wingman longer than her.. why do you pay more
attention to her than your wing???
16) TOO EAGER TO PAY ATTENTION - SAYING "what?" IF YOU CAN'T HEAR HER, PRIOR TO
BEING IN RAPPORT = too much interest in what she's saying.. if she mumbles,
just STACK OPENERS into an entirely DIFFERENT topic, RATHER than saying "what?"
This is fucking KEY KEY KEY. If you say "what?" you'll lose her unless you're
already past attraction and into rapport. If this happens, just run a new
opener and change the topic. 1- you don't look too eager, 2- you look alpha
for being disinterested in what she's talking about which helps anyway
17) REPLYING WITH OVERLY THOUGHT-OUT OF LOGICAL ANSWERS OR WITH OVERLY
CLEAR/FORMAL PRONUNCIATION = being concerned that you won't be accepted unless
you convince really well (eg. HB: why did you ask me that... RIGHT = I'm
talking. (sit and stare) WRONG = because I really need to know since I've
been thinking about this for a while.. the FIRST one conveys that you won't
qualify yourself to her)
1 TAKING TOO MANY SENTENCES TO STATE AN IDEA THAT COULD BE STATED IN LESS
SPACE = qualifying yourself. Commander Zap emails me a few months ago:
"Remember TD, don't write what you can say, don't say what you can wink, don't
wink what you can smile" TIGHT. The shorter you can explain something in, the
more PROFOUND you'll appear. Why? You're not qualifying yourself.
(ironically I'm massively guilty of this, due to the fact that I post when I'm
really tired - see #21 to spot what was wrong with this last sentence)
19) BEING BOLD INSTEAD OF CONFIDENT = that you know that you can't pick her up,
so you compensate with self-defeating actions so that the snub can be on "your
terms". Saying "I'm sexy right?" or "baby I want some of that" or even just
approaching when the logistics are totally unrealistic is too eager, because a
CONFIDENT person wouldn't feel the NEED to say these kinds of things.. these
things are symptoms of OVERCOMPENSATION for INSECURITIES.. which leads
to..........
20) OVERCOMPENSATING INSECURITIES = fear of not being accepted. Have you ever
met a janitor who the first thing he says is "money is over-rated.. I would
never get caught up in the corporate world" blah blah.. if they'd have just
said "I'm a janitor" and LEFT IT AT THAT we wouldn't have even THOUGHT that
anything was wrong with it.. but because they INSTANTLY start overcompensating,
it comes off as overcompensating or qualifying. Same with if they BRING IT UP
TOO EARLY. Like "hey, I'm Steve.. I'm a janitor and I love it".. They're
TRYING to be cocky but it comes off as COMPENSATING. BE COMFORTABLE WITH
YOURSELF. If you're BALD, don't say "would you love a bald man?" as a pickup
line. It's not COCKY.... its BOLD. If you're bad looking, don't say "don't
you think I'm sexy". Just be comfortable with yourself, and don't bring up the
issue at all.
21) OVERCOMPENSATING FAILURE OR SHORTCOMINGS = fear of being judged.. if you do
poorly on a presentation, or on a sarge in front of a wingman, or on a test, DO
NOT SAY DUMB SHIT LIKE "I'm really tired". EVEN IF you're ACTUALLY really
tired, the mere act of saying "I'm tired" comes off as QUALIFYING yourself to
the person. Just don't bring it up. If you have shitty clothes on, don't say
"I have nicer clothes at home." Just don't bring it up. If you meet a girl
when you're dressed bad, don't say "I have the coolest club clothes at home"
Just don't bring it up.
22) GOING BACKWARDS IN THE PICKUP ON HER SCHEDULE = too eager to lay her.. if
you've already GONE THROUGH the whole "let's ballbust and shit test eachother"
attraction phase of the pickup, and you're now in RAPPORT -> if she tries to
ballbust you at this point then just WITHDRAW ATTENTION. DO NOT BALLBUST BACK.
It seems COUNTER INTUITIVE, but once you've gone through that whole little
attract phase, and you're now being nice to eachother in rapport, DO NOT let
her rewind the sarge by answering her ballbusting with ballbusts of your own.
Just withdraw attention, to show that you're not interested in going BACKWARDS
in a sarge.
23) WAITING FOR HER IF SHE LEAVES FOR ANY REASON (LIKE SAYS "I'M GOING TO THE
WASHROOM, WAIT HERE) = too eager and into the convo.. if she goes to the
washroom, make sure you're into another set by the time she gets back.
24) OVERLY REMEMBERING DETAILS ABOUT PAST CONVOS = convo means too much to you,
because the person has unusual value to you (ie: a hot chick). Of course, I'm
not advocating to be a total dick, but the general rule of thumb is that if you
wouldn't have remembered a FAT CHICK or a GUY saying it, then don't remember
the HB9 chick saying it. If some random dude said it and you would have
remembered, then FINE. If you were in an unusually intimate convo that's also
fine. But otherwise FAKE forgetting, even if she's a model and you remember
every word. Even forget her name. If you see a random chick from your class
or work, but you never talked to her, OPEN LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW HER. Don't give
into the temptation to say "we work together". Just open like a random chick,
and maybe if you get snubbed then pull out that card to save face, but only as
a LAST RESORT.
25) OFFERING TOO MUCH ABOUT YOURSELF TOO *EARLY* = too eager to make them like
you.. subcategories of this are:
A) Verbally: if you say to a chick "yeah, I just got back from NYC (or any cool
place that would impress)" or "yeah, I just got my Rolex fixed", or "yeah, my
stripper ex-girlfriend told me..." then she PICKS UP on the fact that you're
trying too hard to impress her.. Same with NAME DROPPING.. DON'T GIVE GIRLS
YOUR RESUME TOO EARLY.. Personality conveying routines should convey
personality COVERTLY, so it looks like the story is just SO COOL that its WORTH
TELLING on its own accord, and it just HAPPENS to have some good things about
you in it. When offering good things about yourself, don't offer boring
details. Say it with less detail, and it seems less eager. INSINUATE THAT
WHICH YOU ARE TEMPTED TO ELICIDATE (holy shit, I just made up that last catchy
sentence, but I've gotta say that I'm the shit.. right?)
B) Entertaining: If you have stuff like patterns, or the CUBE, or magic, or
photos, or palmreading, and you do this EARLY, it comes off as TRY-HARD.
Personally I don't use any of these things, but alot of guys do, and when they
bust them out prior to the chick EARNING it, it comes off TRY-HARD. Use the
stuff LATER, but not right away.
*****C) Wanting rapport with someone who didn't earn it: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS
SHIT??? I swear to god, almost *EVERY* PUA I meet live in field does this
shit, and its SUPER LAME. Going up to a chick and saying "nice necklace" or
"what's your name" or "where did you get that?" is FUCKING DORK SUPER LAME.
WHY THE FUCK DO YOU CARE ABOUT THIS STUFF FROM A R-A-N-D-O-M PERSON????? The
counter argument to this is that you're not hiding your desires blah blah blah
she's a hot girl and she should be happy that you're approaching, but this is
INTERNET RHETORIC.. and this approach is STILL hiding your desires behind the
GUISE that you're nice, so even if the rhetoric was true, it would STILL be
ineffective... In the INTERNET ARMCHAIR GAME this stuff is FINE, but in the
REAL FIELD GAME this shit screws you over before you've even started gaming.
It's fucking bullshit, and NOBODY who isn't very goodlooking or socially
proofed (or whatever high value) PRIOR to going in, can make this kind of
approach work consistently on HB8.5+ chicks. TRYING FOR RAPPORT TOO EARLY IS
QUALIFYING YOURSELF TO HER BECAUSE SHE HAS NOT EARNED IT.
D) Talking without feedback: When you're talking to someone, and they don't
give feedback, and you're talking and talking, you BETA YOURSELF. It's a
DOWNWARD SPIRAL, where you start talking TOO MUCH, and you SENSE that you're
qualifying yourself, so you overcompensate EVEN MORE by TALKING and TALKING
more and more.. Then you feel more and more beta'ed because you qualified
yourself, and you're left treading water, grabbing at ANYTHING that will
impress the person, so you keep talking in hopes of saying that one thing that
will impress them. AVOID this by not talking too much unless THEY give some
feedback. IN THE FIELD you do this by PAUSING and FORCING them to fill in the
awkward gaps.
---
Alright that's it. I'm really tired so if the post wasn't clear its because
its 5am and I'm tired and normally it would be really good. Style is sitting
over my shoulder right now and he says that this post I'm writing is really
good, and he likes it. I'm a really good PUA and I date models and and hotties
and almost the Dahm triplets, and my students say I'm the best instructor in
the game», so really you know this material is tight. I'm in the field non stop
so you'd better read this stuff, because its for real. I can even pickup in
NYC and LA, the world's toughest environments. Before when Formhandle said I
wasn't a good PUA that was because he didn't get it cause he's too serious. My
high-5 stuff works, he's just too uptight to grasp it. It works, I'm serious.
Honestly guys, I'm so fucking cool... RIGHT? Cause I wrote the spastic
ramblings and the How to PUA actually for real, so this stuff is as tight as
that. I take philosophy at Queens guys. That's the best school in Canada. If
I can get good marks there, I can figure this stuff out. That's why I get laid
so much. Don't forget that I'm using Pimp-Method. I have so many female
friends, I'm so socially proofed.
........... ;)
-TD
http://fastseduction.com/cgi-bin/search.cgi?action=retrieve&grp=6&mn=105532129385436
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