Identity and neediness (ijjjji)

Subject: Identity and neediness

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I like myself.

I think I'm a likeable guy - I expect others to like me from the start - I assume a POSITIVE STARTING POINT. This positive IDENTITY leads to all kinds of bonuses.. I smile, Im relaxed, I show appreciation, I vibe well.

Thats all it takes.

Some people dislike themself. They expect to be disliked or ignored from the start. They feel they have to EARN the right to be liked and listened to. That and the other neediness (validation seeking) springs from this negative IDENTITY - this assuming of NEGATIVE STARTING POINT in social situations.

Besides unrelaxedness and awareness of how others react, such people typically talk too much/fast, hog the 'mike', give big thoughtful answers, respond too fast and argument a lot.

They also have intense/hungry eyes.

They brag and try to impress. They hate when others get attention or praise. They are suspicious and tend to take things the wrong way. They talk negatively about others to look good themself. Some try to buy or pressure people into being friends. etc etc..

Socializing with such people can be quite draining, stressful and unpleasant, so expecting to be disliked is a strongly self fullfillling profety.

As the old saying goes.. you must learn to love yourself before others can love you.
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